Dr. Oliver Benjamin, Ph.D.
Dr. Benjamin's pioneering work in Generic Studies inspired him to co-found the world's first Generic University. "The beautiful thing about Generics," he says, "is that it's all things to all people." He is widely published and respected in some circles, though he won't be specific which circles, as "being specific is the enemy of Generic Studies." Dr. Benjamin has ambitious plans for the dissemination and evolution of Generics in today's society. As Dr. Benjamin says, "I'm all about dissemination. Or, I'd like to be." He spends a lot of time at home, relaxing with his neighbor's missing dog and a collection of vintage war helmets.
Dr. Frank Hesse, Ph.D.
Dr. Frank Hesse or "Dr. Frank" as he likes to be known, is the more flamboyant and controversial of Generic University's proGenitors. Known for his cross-country speaking tours that rival in intensity those of many unsigned rock bands, Dr. Frank has approached the burgeoning field of Generics with all the subtlety of a religious zealot. When questioned on specifics, he has been known to become angry. "Stop with the questions already!" he once reportedly scolded a reporter, "Generics is all about generalizing. It's the all and the ultimate of the everything! So don't ask me about little bitty shmitty parts when I'm trying to throw the whole shabang in your face." Dr. Frank's most famous demonstration of Generic Theory occurred in 2004 when he proved that it was impossible to reconstruct a cow from seven hundred pounds of raw hamburger meat.
Dr. Carmen Rademaker, Ph.D.
Doctor Rademaker has been instrumental in providing Generic University with some much-needed credibility. As the only member of the administration with a graduate degree from an accredited university (not a doctorate, however), she is officially smarter than everyone else and never tires of pointing that out. Spending most of her time in her office designing arcane diagrams that no one understands and she never explains, the GU academic community presumes that she is either hard at work on a revolutionary theory, or has gone totally bonkers. No one has had the nerve to challenge her on this, however. After winning a bitter sexual-harassment suit against Dr. Benjamin she is wealthy enough to maintain an armada of well-paid lawyers and makes a habit of mentioning this at each and every faculty meeting.